Has he stepped up his fashion game? If his clothes have improved significantly, he could be trying to impress someone. If he suddenly always looks nice, even when he’s supposed to be studying or working overtime, it could mean he’s seeing someone at work or school. A guy who’s involved with someone else might also smell different! He may be wearing new cologne to smell good for his side piece, but his body chemistry may also have changed slightly from being with another woman. He may also pick up smells and stray hairs from his affair partner: he might smell like perfume or cologne, if he’s seeing someone who wears a fragrance, and they may leave stray hairs on his body and clothes.
There are a number of totally legitimate reasons why your boyfriend might just start working out more out of the blue. After all, exercise is good for us! If it appears in conjunction with other signs on this list, though, suddenly working out is a potential red flag. Remember that going to the gym could also just be another excuse for seeing the other person. If he’s dramatically changed his diet to be healthier, he could be doing this to impress someone else.
Some guys are uncomfortable with PDA, but if your guy used to hold your hand in public and has stopped, or has begun standing far away from you in public places, he may be worried that his other partner will spot you two together. Keep in mind that while a decrease in physical attention often indicates a lessening of romantic interest, it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s unfaithful. (Still, it’s not great news. )
If he’s suddenly trying a ton of new moves in bed, he could have picked these up from another sexual partner. An increase in sex may also be because he’s afraid not having sex will make you suspicious. Aside from how often you’re doing the deed, pay attention to your emotional connection while you’re having sex: if he’s cheating on you, the sex could still be great, but he’ll likely have a harder time getting emotionally close to you while you’re having sex.
If he cleans your apartment, fixes your car, or buys your groceries and has never done those things before, there may be a reason for it. If he’s suddenly Mr. Romance and brings you candy and flowers, he may be trying to make himself feel better about cheating.
He could also be cleaning up to make his car, house, or person look nicer for his side piece. If you really want to find out if he’s cheating on you, come over when he says he is “cleaning his apartment” and see what he’s really up to.
When his mood shifts, ask him why. If he says, “No reason” or “Nothing,” he might be hiding something from you. Someone who’s cheating may “blame” you for their infidelity or even accuse you of cheating. If it suddenly seems as if nothing you do is right, he might be projecting guilt onto you. [8] X Research source Of course, there are plenty of reasons a person could experience mood swings, and the reason may not be about you at all. He could be stressed about work or going through a period of depression—but he still needs to communicate with you about it.
Not only will he withdraw from you, but he’ll likely resist efforts on your end to get closer again. If you try to initiate pillow talk before sleep, he might insist he’s too tired and roll over.
Is he spending more time texting and talking on the phone than he used to? He could be talking to his other partner. If he shuts his phone off around you or keeps his phone face-down, he could be afraid of getting a text or call from his side piece in front of you. [11] X Expert Source Michelle JacobyMatchmaker & Dating Coach Expert Interview. 7 September 2021. Is he suddenly spending a lot of time online? This could be a sign that he’s chatting it up with another person. If he slams his computer shut when you walk into a room, that’s a red flag. If you’re feeling gutsy, try to check his phone or Internet activity when he’s not around. If you find mysterious texts, emails, or social media activity, he might be cheating. Of course, if you’re at the point of spying, maybe it’s time to end the relationship.
For emotionally avoidant or anxious people, cheating may be a form of self-sabotage. He may cheat out of fear of getting too close to you, but that’s never an excuse.
Has he suddenly stopped allowing you to drop by his office or apartment? It could be because he’s hiding evidence of his infidelity there—or the side piece themselves. [13] X Expert Source Michelle JacobyMatchmaker & Dating Coach Expert Interview. 7 September 2021.
It’s important that you both get time apart to be alone or bond with friends. But if he’s suddenly always neglecting you to hang out with “the guys,” he might be lying about his whereabouts. This isn’t a definite sign he’s cheating. He may avoid you because he’s considering ending the relationship (which is only slightly better news, we’ll admit), or maybe he’s withdrawing because he’s struggling with something he doesn’t know how to talk about.
It might not even be a matter of his being nicer or less complimentary: he might just sound…different. If he’s saying things he’s never said before, using words he’s never used before, or even laughing in a new way, then maybe he picked up these words from his side piece. This sign applies to texting too: if you were having a long texting exchange and he’s suddenly MIA, it may mean that his new partner just showed up.
If he used to be open about his spending or have his Venmo set to “public,” but has become more secretive and set his accounts to “private,” he might be hiding something. Does he suddenly complain all the time about being “broke” or not having enough money to go out with you? This may be because he’s been spending it on someone else.
His friends might go out of their way to avoid interacting with you, or they may overcompensate by being extra nice to you. If you’re feeling bold, ask one of his friends. If his friend knows about his shady behavior, they may not feel good about it and confess. Beware that asking his friend behind his back is a last resort: if you ask his friend, and your boyfriend isn’t cheating, it could ruin your relationship.
If he says he’s hanging out with the boys and you want to see if he’s lying, follow him in a friend’s car so he doesn’t notice it’s you. “Pop in” on him when he’s not expecting it. Come over at random times, like when he says he’s cleaning or working late or not feeling well. If you don’t want to follow him, hire a private investigator if you have the means. They’ll do the dirty work for you.
Catch him off guard so he’ll be less likely to come up with a lie. Tell him you’d prefer honesty over more lies. Make it sound like he’s doing you a favor by confessing—which he really is doing. If he’s cheating, he might confess when you ask—or he might deny it. A guy who’s faithful will be eager to show you whatever proof you need that’s not cheating, while a cheater might tell you you’re crazy or act offended that you would even bring it up. Even if he’s not cheating, if you’re suspicious that he is, that means something has broken in the relationship and needs repairing. Whether he’s cheating or not, talking can help clear the air and maybe even make you closer than you were before. [18] X Research source
