Ask a new acquaintance “So, where are you from?”, “How do you know (your mutual friend)?”, or “What do you do for fun?” Catch up with a friend by asking “How is your job going?”, “How’s your family?”, or “Did you do anything fun last weekend?”
People who share your interest in a sport or hobby can be the easiest people to talk to. Just talk about what you find interesting, whether it’s last night’s game or a new crochet pattern you found. If you’re talking to coworkers, think of a topic you all recognize from work, but that doesn’t feel like doing work. Go for something light-hearted like “What do you think of the new lunch place?” Recent news, local events, and popular books and television shows are all good fallback options. Avoid politics in situations where people aren’t looking for debates.
For example, instead of asking, “Where did you meet your girlfriend?” you might ask, “How did you meet your girlfriend?” The second question could result in a story about the circumstances, location, and people involved in meeting their girlfriend, while the first question only requests a single answer. Another way to ask an open-ended question is to convert a “yes” or “no” question into a question that asks for more detail. For example, instead of asking, “Did you like your high school?” you could ask, “What did you like about your high school?”
Also avoid conversation stoppers—responses that put a period at the end of the conversation. For example, if you’re talking about something amusing and your conversation partner says, “Yeah, that was funny!”, don’t respond with “Haha, yeah. " Instead, keep the conversation moving. You could say something like, “It sure was. But it wasn’t as funny as that one time. Do you remember when we dressed up as aliens?”
Everyone struggles with awkward silences on occasion. Try not to make a big deal out of it. This will only magnify the problem rather than resolving it.
If you notice that you’ve been talking about your job for a while, take a break and ask the other person, “What’s new at your job these days?” This will allow both people to have an equal contribution to the conversation.
Validate what the other person says by repeating part of it. If they told you about their daughter’s sickness, for example, you could say, “I’m so sorry that she is feeling that way. The flu is the worst! I remember when my son had it. ” This shows that you were listening and that you care, plus it keeps the conversation moving.
Bumping into an acquaintance in public: “Hi Jenny! You look great. I’m in a rush but I’ll see you later, yeah?” Short conversation via phone or text: “Okay, I’m glad we worked out (the purpose of the conversation). Talk to you again soon!” Long conversation at a social event: “Wow, I’ve really enjoyed (getting to know you / reconnecting). I’m going to go mingle for a bit. "
Avoid bragging about competitive topics or comparing yourself to other people. Focus on your personal goals and how achieving them made you feel. Be tactful about topics the other person may be sensitive to. Don’t talk about your great vacation to someone who can’t afford one, or brag about your successful diet to someone struggling to lose weight. If you’re not good at celebrating your accomplishments, ask a friend or family member who’s proud of you to give you ideas.
Take a chance and share something that’s very meaningful to you. For example, you could talk about an important goal you have, such as a desire to run a marathon. Even if the other person doesn’t relate, they will get to know you better and you can find out about something they hope to accomplish.
Stick to complimenting someone’s personality or achievements if you’re trying to make small talk. Save the physical compliments for flirting.
“I know this isn’t related, but I just remembered — someone said you knew Joel. How did that happen?” “Going back to what you said earlier — you have a dog, right? What breed is he?” If you don’t mind being quirky, bring up something out of the blue: “So what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever been?” This works best in casual contexts, with people who are enjoying themselves.
If you are having a meal together, you could say something about the food: “Is it me, or is this the best salad place in town?” Not only does that break the silence, but by posing it as a question, it gives your conversation partner a chance to respond. Make a funny or intriguing comment about an inanimate object: “I heard these floorboards were originally part of the Winchester House. The owner of that building was quite eccentric, you know. "
To find the tone, try pushing the conversation a little bit with a probing comment and see how people respond. For example, if you want to discuss politics, you could say something like, “This has sure been an interesting election. ” Maybe they’ll disclose some of their views and you can get an idea about whether they would appreciate your joke about a candidate or be offended by it.
Pay attention to their body language as well. If they cross their arms or fidget nervously or look down, they might be uncomfortable with the subject. These are valuable clues to tell you to move on to a different topic. If they don’t give too much information, maybe they’re just shy. Try to probe a little deeper and see if they open up. For example, say you ask, “Did you like that movie?” and they answer, simply, “Nope. " Now you can ask them what it was that they didn’t like. The plot? The score? It gives you more opportunities to restart the conversation and get to know them better.
In the event of a long pause, think back to something you already talked about or to previous conversations and go from there. For example, you can fill a silence with, “Last time we talked, you mentioned a new project you were working on. I’ve been meaning to ask you about it. ”
For example, to talk about their kids, you could ask, “What’s new with Carli these days?” You could also ask them about a trip they’ve taken, such as, “I heard you went to Oregon last month. What did you do there? I’ve always wanted to visit. ”
For example, if someone has shared something difficult with you, perhaps a family member is ill, instead of trying to find the right words, give them a hug. This shows that you care and can say even more than words. Sharing silence with someone when they don’t have anything else to say, is also a good way to allow them space for an emotional response.
If you said something that made the other person uncomfortable, you can simply apologize by saying something like, “I’m sorry, that was out of place. ” Then move the conversation in a new direction. If you don’t have much in common with the other person and have exhausted your shared interests, the silence might be telling you that it’s time to leave. Excuse yourself gracefully by saying something such as, “I have to go drive Donny to football now. Take care. ”
Or if you’re talking with a friend and telling them about your great date last night, and they respond with the date they’re having tonight, and you discover that you’re both dating the same person, the silence will be so thick you could cut it with a knife. Simply say “Awkward!” in a funny voice to diffuse the tension.
If you are on a date or one-on-one with someone, suggest a walk, or a snowball fight, or some other activity you can both do at the moment.
If you’re on a date and simply aren’t connecting with the person, call it a night. Say something like, “Well, I really should get going. I have a lot I need to get done tonight, but thanks for dinner. "
